~JAsperSays 1 [81719]:
It’s so hot, the Devil checked if his thermostat was working!
~JAsperSays 1 [81719]:
In my day it was any excuse for a parade. Today it’s any excuse for a protest!
~JAsperSays 1 [82119]:
Will the Congress have to build a new prison to hold all the corrupt politicians?
~JAsperSays 1 [82219]:
Dawn said that I “Look like a sandwich! Two pieces of stale bread with balcony in-between!”
~JAsperSays 2 [82219]:
To the tune of “Petticoat Junction”‘
There’s a little hotel called the Demo’s Rest at the Congress.
It is run by The Squad, come and be their guest at the Congress
And that’s Uncle Joe, he’s a movin’ kind of slow at the Congress,
Democrat’s Congress!
~JAsperSays 1 [82319]:
Advice for a long marriage: Your most used words must be :Please&Thank you!
Sex is fleeting, arguing brings hurt. Why teach your child to say please & thank you. Show them! And it becomes a habit for life.
~JAsperSays 1 [82319]
Jasper’s the original Cookie Monster. He claims donuts are just pregnant cookies.
~JAsperSays 1 [82719]
Joe Biden is qualified to be President!
He s decades qualified, clean and neat.
~JAsperSays 1 [90619]
I’m such a nurd that even when I microwave my Orville Redenbacher’s goes Putth-h-h !
~JAsperSays 1 [90919]
How can the weatherman can say, ” it will start to cool down this weekend,” and then say, ” It will be HOT this weekend.” I know, “cooler” That means not hot enough to melt steel.
~JAsperSays 2 [90919]
Democrats favorite word is fund. That’s because it is ¾ FUN!
~JAsperSays 3 [90919]
“Millions for defense, not a penny for tribute.” 1798
Sound familiar? Think of Iran and $150 billion.
~JAsperSays 1 [91219]
Jasper says he’s a men’s fashion expert. He advises that men make sure all their labels in the back!
~JAsperSays 1 [91319]
I’m glad I don’t have a gun! I’m shaking so much my socks are soaking wet with sweat. Oh! I was outside in the heat.
~JAsperSays 1 [91419]
Darling, We didn’t throw you under the bus. You jumped from the window!
~JAsperSays 1 [91819]
The dentist said I have such a small mouth—for such big words.
Or did he say that I had such a big mouth—for such small words.
~JAsperSays 2 [91819]
My online account. at the bank is so secure, even I can’t get in!
~JAsperSays 1 [91919]
In the name of fun, I attended a costume party at which I attended as The Lone Ranger. It wasn’t long after I arrived that a man dressed in a police uniform apologized to his host, That I was wearing a mask and I am offended that I had to support such lawlessness. It wasn’t long before that Marie Antoinette left because I was advocating gun ownership. Next came a bum asking why Tonto wasn’t represented beside me as part of his indian heritage.
Well, It wasn’t long before the party dwindled to a couple of drunks and a homeless fellow looking for a restroom. All I wanted was to have a little fun dancing. Why can’t more of us have a little more entertainment and less correctness in or existence?
~JAsperSays 1 [92219]
Advice to the younger: Even the upsides have their downs.
~JAsperSays 2 [92219]
I am planning a boycott of the film, Watermelon Man –Godfrey Cambridge. He appeared in whiteface. How dare he try the be something he is not. As a white, I am deeply offended.
~JAsperSays 3 [92219]
In the 1948 movie, State of the Union, Adolphe Menjou said (paraphrased) , “The people don’t elect a president. The politicians do because the people are too lazy to vote in the primaries.”
~JAsperSays 1 [92619]
The uneducated meaning of Quid pro quo:
I’ll scratch your back if you’ll scratch mine.
~JAsperSays: 1 [92719]
Cleopatra is purported to say, “I’m a queen, not because I’m so smart, but because the people are so stupid.”
She must have been a Democrat!
~JasperSays: 1 [92819]
“Lets go and get you a good liar!, ER, lawyer” —- Comedian Leo Gorcey
~JasperSays: 1 [92919]
Greg Gutfeld is not so funny without animals to prop him up.
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First Draft 